“Let Them”: A Powerful Parenting Shift for Navigating Teen Motivation, College & Career Choices

By Marie Russell, 5/4/25

🙇🏽When it comes to guiding teens through the maze of college and career decisions, many parents feel stuck between two extremes: hovering too much or stepping too far back. It’s especially hard when your teen seems unmotivated, uninterested, or simply overwhelmed. Enter “The Let Them Theory” by Mel Robbins—a deceptively simple mindset shift that can transform the way you support your teenager’s future, and more importantly improve your family relationships in the process.

🤷🏻‍♀️What is the “Let Them” Theory?

Mel Robbins’ Let Them Theory encourages us to release control over others’ choices and instead focus on what we can control: our own reactions, expectations, and boundaries. Whether someone disappoints, chooses a different path, or doesn’t meet your hopes—let them. This isn’t about apathy. It’s about stepping back so others can step up.

The “Let Them” theory and Stoicism share a powerful common thread: focus on what you can control and let go of what you can’t. While Robbins frames this idea in modern, accessible language for relationships and everyday stress, Stoicism has taught this principle for over two thousand years as a philosophy for inner peace and resilience.

Stoicism is a practical philosophy for emotional strength, clear thinking, and living a meaningful life—even when the world around you is messy.

🤲How can this help parents of teens? Where this ‘stepping back’ attitude may feel counterintuitive. After all, we want the best for our children. But sometimes our well-meaning involvement becomes pressure, and that pressure can push our teens away—especially when they’re struggling with low motivation.

Here’s how the Let Them/Stoic mindset proposes help you guide your teen through college and career decisions.

1. Let Them Be Unmotivated—For Now

🚩When a teen seems apathetic about their future, our instinct is often to fix it. But motivation isn’t something we can inject into another person. The more we nag, the more they resist.

🩷Instead: Let them be unmotivated—without judgment. Observe, support, and stay present without trying to force change. This doesn’t mean giving up. It means showing your teen that their worth isn’t tied to achievement and that you trust their process. Teens often find motivation when the pressure is off and they’re given space to reconnect with their own interests.

👂🏼Try this: Ask open-ended questions like, “What’s something you’d like to try this year, just for fun?” or “If school didn’t exist, how would you spend your day?” These gentle prompts open the door to intrinsic motivation.

2. Let Them Make Mistakes

🔏We often want to protect our teens from poor decisions, but learning through experience is a powerful teacher. If your teen wants to apply to a course you don’t think fits them, or refuses to study for an exam—let them. Not because you don’t care, but because natural consequences often teach what lectures can’t.

📍By stepping back, you allow your teen to develop accountability. Over time, they learn what works, what doesn’t, and how to pivot—just like they’ll need to do in adult life.

Tip: Avoid “I told you so” moments. Instead, after a consequence plays out, use empathy: “That didn’t go the way you hoped. Want help thinking through what you might do differently next time?”

3. Let Them Explore on Their Own Terms

⚠️Career guidance often becomes a battleground when teens feel pushed toward traditional paths that don’t resonate. Using Let Them, we recognise that teens need the freedom to explore, even if that means unconventional routes or uncertain pauses.

🛣️This is especially helpful for teens who aren’t ready for college right after school. Letting them explore work, travel, PLC gap year, or trades can help them develop clarity and confidence.

What you can do: Provide tools, not pressure. Introduce personality or career assessments like a session with a career guidance counsellor, MUASIC or MyFuture+ in a relaxed, no-pressure setting. Say something like, “I found this tool some students use to learn about careers. No pressure—but if you ever feel like trying it, I’m here.”

4. Let Yourself Off the Hook

🥺Parent guilt is real. But your teen’s path is theirs—not yours. You can support, guide, and love unconditionally, but you can’t walk the path for them. The Let Them theory also reminds you to let go of the burden of controlling outcomes.

😌Let yourself be the calm in their storm. You don’t have to have all the answers. You just have to be a safe place.

5. Let Your Relationship Come First

The most powerful thing you can give your teen isn’t advice—it’s connection. When you adopt Let Them, you reduce friction, and your teen starts to feel seen and trusted. That creates space for honest conversations and deeper trust, especially during a time when teens naturally pull away.

🔎Focus on this: Build moments of connection that have nothing to do with school or careers—watch a show together, go for a drive, share a meal. Let them come to you when they’re ready. And when they do, really listen.

Final Thought: From Control to Curiosity

🤔“Let Them” doesn’t mean giving up. It means trading control for curiosity. It means believing that your teen’s journey is unfolding exactly as it should—even if it’s messy. Especially if it’s messy.

🌳When you lean into this mindset, you’re modeling resilience, trust, and emotional intelligence. And that may be the most powerful college and career prep of all.

❓Need a starting point for career conversations? Try using a simplified career interest quiz like MUASIC or feel free to get in touch.

To get in touch by DM or:

📧 pathwaysguidance@gmail.com

🕸 www.pathwaysguidance.ie

📞 0868773289

Marie 🪶

🤓For further reading & references

1. The “Let Them” Theory:

• Podcast Episode by Mel Robbins: Mel Robbins introduces the “Let Them” theory, a mindset tool designed to help individuals focus on their own responses rather than attempting to control others’ actions.

• Book – “The Let Them Theory” by Mel Robbins: This book delves deeper into the concept, providing strategies to free oneself from the opinions and judgments of others.

2. Stoicism and Parenting:

• Article – “A Stoic Approach to Parenting” by Meredith Alexander Kunz: This piece explores how Stoic philosophy can help parents become more rational and less anxious, granting their children greater autonomy.

• Article – “Stoicism Can Make You a Better and Happier Parent”: This article discusses focusing on what is within one’s control, a core element of Stoic philosophy, and how it applies to parenting.

• Video – “10 Stoic Parenting Tips”: A YouTube video offering practical Stoic principles for parenting.

3. Parenting Resources in Ireland:

• Parenting24seven: An online resource offering evidence-based parenting information and support, tailored to various stages of child development.

• One Family: Ireland’s national organization for one-parent families, providing support, information, and services to all members of one-parent families.

4. Career Guidance in Ireland:

• CareersPortal.ie: Ireland’s leading careers guidance website, offering comprehensive information on career paths, courses, and the employment market.

• CareerHub: Provides expert career guidance counseling and consultancy services across Ireland, assisting individuals in making informed career decisions.